My fav blog I have ever written; The perfect gift

The Perfect Gift


All week Samuel has been telling me that he has a little gift for me. So, yesterday when I get to his apartment I expect a little gift, maybe flowers....a CD...something of that sort. Wow. I was wrong. Turns out he wrote me a song. I don't think he knew this but that is like my ultimate dream....soo..when he told me thats what my gift was...I freaked out on him!! So, we sat on his bed and he began playing....the whole time I swear I held my breath I was just so taken back by it all... the name of it is..

My Sweet Thing
Look me in the EYES,
With that look that melts away THE COLD.

It makes me smile and it warms me down to the bone.
Like a shinging light
It lifts me up and gives me hope.
You keep me on the ground

In the mornings when I wake up
I smile if you're there by me.
The bed is so much better if you're
there by me.

You're so damn cute when you open your eyes.

Shes a sweet thing
God knows she's good for me
She's my sweet thing
My Little Sugar Cookie.

Say it like you mean it



I'm really stoked because this song will be on his demo he is recording next weekend!! I am still just blown away by this. It is honestly the most sincere thing that anyone has ever done for me and I adore him for it. Thank you Samuel...you truely are the best.

Poems

Closed Heart

You tore my heart open and ripped it out.
I knew all along this was where it was headed.
A bruised back, broken heart, and this scar on my forehead
I not only got that but something more
Tears on my pillow and a closed heavy door
The door was to my heart
It'll never be open to you again


(never titled this one)

Walking through the rain,
she is hearing it splatter on the ground surrounding her body.

However she remains completely dry,
never becoming the slightest bit damp.

She realizes that this was her dream.

For once in her life she was not touched by anything,
nor was anything or anyone touched by her.

But as she savors this feeling,
that her dreams are no longer a fantasy.

She wonders,
is this what she really wanted,
and are anyone's dreams really their own.

In their subconscious sanity,
they are hoping for something totally different.

She treads on,
and watches the water spread at her feet.

The thought of never getting back to her world startles her,
as she opens her eyes only to be staring beneath her framed bed,
in her water drenched world.

Old Blogs and Poems from Myspace

Here are some old blogs and poems from myspace, just wanted a place to keep them and share old memories and writings.

August 19, 2007 - Sunday

Saturday night

Last night I got home from a party round 2am and couldnt sleep for freaking EVER. I miss Samuel.....

Tonight Im glaring at the stars wishing you were beside me whispering in my ear the sweet nothings I know youd say
Tonight it's hard being so far away But I know you love me and thats suppose to make it easy
Like the world is suppose to be
Tonight I want it to be just you and me
Because the skies so clear And youd say all I wanna hear
Tonights the night its going to be okay
Because tonights just tonightbut tomorrow's another day

June 5, 2007 - Tuesday

"He sits there, soo deep in thought, As the rain flows down his dorm room window..."

He sits there, soo deep in thought, As the rain flows down his dorm room window.
He has been sitting right there for hours,Yet the pain still remains.
He often thinks of the stress school imposes on him.And how he can't seem to ever catch up.
There's always something more, that he doesnt seem to have.He wants it more than anything.
Yet it always seems just beyond his grasp. He thinks of the pain of a broken heart.
He has experienced this hurt once before. Never again, he says to himself.
I will never again risk it he says. Never again open the shy doors of his heart.
Every time he believe it is safe, It is tread upon yet again.
Such low self-esteem and excessive pride, Leads him to believe that everyone is simply being nice.
When they tell me why they like me.Never again.
As he continues to sit there, indulging in his self-pity, He doesn't ever realize that nearby there is a girl.
She too is sitting there, deep in thought watching the rain on her window, Thinking of the heart she can never have.

(No date for this one sometime in 2007 I think)

Only hurting myself.

I know better than to do this to myself. Yet I can't help but feed my curiousity. I question and I search until I find. I look and explore. I read everything there, examine each detail, with a hand over one eye, and another hand over my hurting heart. I don't know why I do this...because I know what happened before me makes no difference. I can't change the past. It's not even that I want to change the past. I just feel like I have to know. But why do I have to do this, why do I have to know? Maybe I feel like I have to be better than that. Maybe I just want to reassure myself I am the best. Why I do this I dont really understand, because I know afterwards I end up seeing more than I wanted to see. I get these images in my head of what has never had anything to do with me, but I seem to drag it into my life and compare myself in every way. It hurts so bad, to see what used to be. I wonder why he ever choose these girls. What it was about them he liked. Even though he didn't know me then, so I cant be upset it wasnt me...I wonder what was special about these girls back then. So really why in the hell am I doing this to myself? I am only hurting myself!!!!!

(no date)

No One
This is just a poem I wrote...

When your day breaks your mind aches

You then find that all her words of kindness linger on

When she no longer needs you

She wakes up she makes up

She takes her time and doesn't feel she has to hurry

She no longer needs you

And in her eyes you see nothing

No sign of love behind those tears

Cried for absoulty no oneA love that should have lasted years

You want her and you need her

And yet you dont believe her when she said this love is dead

You think she needs you

You stay home and she goes out

She says that long ago she knew someone but now hes gone

She doesn't need him

When your day breaks and your mind aches

There will be time when all the things she said will fill your head

You wont ever forget her

And in her eyes you see nothing

No sign of love behind the tears

Cried for no one

A love that should have lasted years