August 19, 2007 - Sunday
Saturday night
Last night I got home from a party round 2am and couldnt sleep for freaking EVER. I miss Samuel.....
Tonight Im glaring at the stars wishing you were beside me whispering in my ear the sweet nothings I know youd say
Tonight it's hard being so far away But I know you love me and thats suppose to make it easy
Like the world is suppose to be
Tonight I want it to be just you and me
Because the skies so clear And youd say all I wanna hear
Tonights the night its going to be okay
Because tonights just tonightbut tomorrow's another day
June 5, 2007 - Tuesday
"He sits there, soo deep in thought, As the rain flows down his dorm room window..."
He sits there, soo deep in thought, As the rain flows down his dorm room window.
He has been sitting right there for hours,Yet the pain still remains.
He often thinks of the stress school imposes on him.And how he can't seem to ever catch up.
There's always something more, that he doesnt seem to have.He wants it more than anything.
Yet it always seems just beyond his grasp. He thinks of the pain of a broken heart.
He has experienced this hurt once before. Never again, he says to himself.
I will never again risk it he says. Never again open the shy doors of his heart.
Every time he believe it is safe, It is tread upon yet again.
Such low self-esteem and excessive pride, Leads him to believe that everyone is simply being nice.
When they tell me why they like me.Never again.
As he continues to sit there, indulging in his self-pity, He doesn't ever realize that nearby there is a girl.
She too is sitting there, deep in thought watching the rain on her window, Thinking of the heart she can never have.
(No date for this one sometime in 2007 I think)
Only hurting myself.
I know better than to do this to myself. Yet I can't help but feed my curiousity. I question and I search until I find. I look and explore. I read everything there, examine each detail, with a hand over one eye, and another hand over my hurting heart. I don't know why I do this...because I know what happened before me makes no difference. I can't change the past. It's not even that I want to change the past. I just feel like I have to know. But why do I have to do this, why do I have to know? Maybe I feel like I have to be better than that. Maybe I just want to reassure myself I am the best. Why I do this I dont really understand, because I know afterwards I end up seeing more than I wanted to see. I get these images in my head of what has never had anything to do with me, but I seem to drag it into my life and compare myself in every way. It hurts so bad, to see what used to be. I wonder why he ever choose these girls. What it was about them he liked. Even though he didn't know me then, so I cant be upset it wasnt me...I wonder what was special about these girls back then. So really why in the hell am I doing this to myself? I am only hurting myself!!!!!
(no date)
No OneThis is just a poem I wrote...
When your day breaks your mind aches
You then find that all her words of kindness linger on
When she no longer needs you
She wakes up she makes up
She takes her time and doesn't feel she has to hurry
She no longer needs you
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind those tears
Cried for absoulty no oneA love that should have lasted years
You want her and you need her
And yet you dont believe her when she said this love is dead
You think she needs you
You stay home and she goes out
She says that long ago she knew someone but now hes gone
She doesn't need him
When your day breaks and your mind aches
There will be time when all the things she said will fill your head
You wont ever forget her
And in her eyes you see nothing
No sign of love behind the tears
Cried for no one
A love that should have lasted years
